As 2015 Ends...

Another year passed and coming to an end in a few days. Much have happened in this one year. Most event were awesome and some were sad. Such is life.

We live on with our lives and do the best we could and leave the rest to nature to take its course. After all, what is the point of worrying about things that are beyond our control, right? I would only burden ourselves unnecessarily and makes us miserable.

Praying and hoping a better year in 2016 with much anticipation and may our heart desires be fulfilled if it is meant to be.

I'm Not Afraid

I've been avoiding any occasion or activity that would put myself in the midst of babies, toddler or young children in any way in the past one year, for the obvious reason.

It was simply too overwhelming for me to be among them and I need not explain further. To the rare occasion when I have to be around my friends' daughters (I felt more at ease with boys as they wouldn't remind me of baby Cassandra as strongly as compare to the girls ), I would just ignore them and not interact with them. I didn't even dare to look at them.

Only people who has gone through the same can understand how it feels like. Time may passed but you will never stop loving and missing your own child. And you definitely won't stop wondering and imagining every once in a while.

But I am ready to face the babies and young kids now....

Mid of this month I find myself excitedly discussing with my colleagues about getting a gift for one of my colleague's daughter. I was the one who browsed and ordered the gift online. Then.... I realized I start feeling less emotional or emotionless (depends on what I choose to feel at the moment) when come to things that concern babies or young kids.

A friend called Keith yesterday about his daughter full moon party this Sunday,  when Keith asked me if I am ok to attend, I said, "Ok".

It's not a big deal to other people but to me or the likes of me, it is a journey of healing, a milestone, a progress. :)

Birthday in Heaven

4th July 2015 - Blessed 1st Birthday, baby Cassandra! You have officially turn 1 today.

It's a day of celebration we have been looking forward to. Everyone wish that we cold have celebrated it with you in a different way instead of what we'e done at the park today. Nonetheless, daddy and mommy were very happy because the celebration were joined by other family members and every time when daddy or mommy talk about you everybody in the family is always very supportive and compassionate.  For that, we are grateful.

We hope you get the lovely balloons with our love messages sent to you.

Watch over all of us as we look up to Heaven for you little one.

You are forever loved and forever missed. No matter how short a time each of us had with you, you are loved, always.

About Hope & Patience

I had a plan. And for some reason I've brought forward my plan. Today, I more or less quite certain it will not work. I guess it is simply not the right time yet and I shouldn't have rushed it in the first place.

But..... Will I ever have that little wish granted?? Well, I don't have the answer. It is really something no one can control. I supposed it will only be if it is what God has planned for us.

I just have to learn to be more patient. Pray hope it will be.

Wow!

4th June 2015 - Happy 11th Months Old in Heaven, Baby Cassandra!

Time flies....

It's been 11th months since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter but the memory seems so fresh like it has only happened yesterday. 

Time heals.... But time cannot erase the memories and thank God for that. 
Can't wait for next month to celebrate Cassandra 1st Birthday in Heaven!

Forever Love. 

On Mother's Day

I've been dreading about today for months. I wasn't sure how to react or not react towards all the constant Mother's Day ads popping up everywhere. But I am not alone in this. There are many grieving moms and dads like Keith & I everywhere and we all have these mix feelings, or not. 

A strong sense of peace came to me yesterday after reading an article and I am no longer afraid to face this day. I am a Mom and no one can take that away from me. I want to embrace the celebration instead of fearing and avoiding it. 

Although our lovely daughter, Cassandra is in Heaven and she was in me and with me for a brief few months but once a Mother, Forever a Mother irregardless where my child is. I (we grieving moms) deserved to be celebrated as much as any other mothers who have living children. 

As a Mom I am sad for the obvious reason. :'(

But as a daughter, I am happy and blessed. Both my beloved mom and mom-in-law are still alive and healthy and I'm grateful for them and everything they have done for me. I Love You Both!

Happy Mother's Day!!!! God Bless!

Ladies Wellness

This is for the ladies. You never see me share such info but I believe this is something worth sharing.

I'm not a fan of Chinese herbs as I do not like the bitterness (no surprise) and I'm always a little skeptical towards the unknown side effects. But something my colleague recommended me recently has actually helps improve my well being. 

Many of my colleagues start telling me that I look radiant and has this healthy glow.  They said I've always looked pale in the past. They even ask if I use blusher as my cheeks look rosy pink these days. Honestly, I do not use blusher as my skin is always sensitive towards make ups.

Hence, I would like to give credits to this Chinese herbs I've consumed past 2 months and thought it's nice to share with you ladies.

It is very economical and you can get it from any Chinese medicine shop. I got mine from a shop in PJ and it cost RM0.70 per packet.

Although the recipe mentioned egg but I am just that lazy so I pass. I only boil the herb/leaves/grass (call it what you like) with the brown sugar.

Hope this will do good to you as it is to me.