Greatest Disappointment

I know this is my family problem and it is absolutely personal. Some people might say I shouldn't share it on the net, but I just want to mark down this disappointing period in my life for remembrance.

I have a teenage sister who is 16 years my junior. I'll just refer her as S here. Because S is so many years younger, hence from the day she was born I was practically the person (apart from my mom) who took care of her, guided and taught her from the first time she stood up, took her first step, her first word and many more `First time' in her early years of growing & learning.

I've taught S to be good manner and polite and to respect people, young or old. She was very adorable as a baby, a child and she was well loved by everyone. She is also very talented and has a brain for business even when she was very young. She loves drawing and I must say that she has the gift. And she used to made use of old junks, and came up something new and she even sold some of her creations to her ex-classmates.

S was a bundle of joy and she was also the daughter (among the 3 siblings) who had the closest relationship with my dad, so, naturally my dad loves her most (not that I mind). I love her a lot and we used to have a very close bonding until she became a teenager.

And then, everything of S changed and despite of what we have done (she is 15 years old now) things (she) just continue to get worst. My parents have scolded her, tried advised her nicely and myself have tried talking to her as a big sister and buddy, and all that have failed.

Even though we are 16 years apart, I was a teenager once and I've been through almost the same as S but neither myself nor my 2nd sister, J (she is 6 years my junior) ever gone beyond control.

Yes, you can say time changed & many things changed, teenagers these days are confronted by many temptations but then again, that shouldn't be used as an excuse to justifies any misconduct. We had different kind of temptations & pressures from friends too during our time and ultimately it's depends on individuals. People can always tell you what to do and what not to do, but we are the one who choose the path, good or bad, we have to make our own decisions and own up whatever consequences it may be. We have to be responsible for our own decisions & behaviors.

It is mostly my mom's fault coz she'd spoilt S too much. She gave in to S and even helped S to kept secrets and lied to my dad. No one took the necessary measure and things already got out of hand by the time I was informed. I've told my mom, I'm married and I'm no longer staying with them, thus there is only so much I can do by advising S but other than that, it is entirely up to my parents to put the control and restriction.

Don't think this is the case where my parents controlled too much that leads to S rebellious behavior. Frankly speaking, my parents always give us a lot of freedom. Both J & I did abused it sometimes but we did feared of our dad and we dind't dare to challenge his limit.

In the contrary, S fears no one. All she cares about is to go out and have fun with her friends. She does not want anyone to restrict her in any way. She thinks she should be allowed to go out till as late as she likes, sleep over at whoever's house and not come home for days as she pleases and we as parents and sisters shouldn't utter a word. That's what she wants. As a teenager at 15 (or rather since she was 13 years old) she feels that it is too much for us to ask of her when we told her that she can go out during weekend but must be back before 12 midnight or occasionally 2a.m. (subject to approval) for special occasions.

S always thinks that she doesn't need the parents, the family; she truly believes that she can be independence and her friends will always be there to help her as long as she asks for help. There were many things she did that really hurts the family but it is too personal to share thus I'll omit the details.

My dad has chased S out last week and he declared to disown this daughter. He loves her most among the 3 of us, thus her behavior has hurt him the most and I know he is gravely disappointed with her. She has also hurt me so deep because I'd nurtured her & taught her many things in the past. This is not how I've imagined her to be.

And for my mom who has been putting so much hope on S, hoping that S will take care of her when she is really old (this is another part that sadden me as my mom didn't think of J & I will take care of her) until she gave in so much to S n let her do whatever she wanted. Needless to say, she was badly used and manipulated by S to get the things she wanted.

We have done everything we could but in the end it is still up to S to decide how she wants her life to be and what she wants to do with her future.

There is really no point for us to say anything further as S has shuts all of us out whenever we try to talk to her. Even though she sat there all she heard from our mouth was noises, she has stop listening long ago.

Since my dad has chased S out, I think this is a good chance for her to realizes that she can't survive on her own without proper education and without any help from the parents at this age. And her friends will not be there to help her for long since now she will need money for a roof and food to eat. And I hope my mom will not give her any money behind our back.

Some of you might feel that we are too harsh or heartless coz S might end up being lure into doing something bad like selling drugs or selling herself in exchange for money, but you can't expect us to give in, go to her and say “Do as you please but please come home”. This will not help her coz if we do that, she will only becomes worst.

I'm not giving up on S yet and I hope that she will comes to her senses soon and returns home for good.

If she has to learn the hard way, so be it.

It's all up to her now…