Happy 38th Birthday To Me

Today is my 38th Birthday. It should be one of my Happiest birthday as we supposed to have our lovely daughter, Cassandra celebrating my birthday with us. But we all know that she is no longer with us on this earth. I have made a wish in my heart, a most wanted wish that no one could ever granted me with, not even God, which is to have our baby Cassandra back with us healthy and very much alive.

I was feeling pretty down the past few days as my birthday is drawing near and I was thinking what other wishes I can make and most likely to be granted. And then came the idea. I've made a video telling a little story about Cassandra and what my wishes are and posted it in my FB page.

To be honest, such move is totally out of character and it took me much contemplation whether it is a good idea to do so. I was afraid I will be judged, ridiculed and criticized for attention seeking as I am not the only one in this world who has loss her child. But I guess the Love of a grieving mother conquers all. And I thank God and our angel baby Cassandra for giving me the courage to take the leap of faith and made it happen. As it turns out, it was a great move. :)

I've posted the video past midnight today and said a prayer hoping that there will be positive feedback before I went to bed. When I woke up this morning, my video has been shared by many and I've received many responses, both local and abroad to help me with my 2 birthday wishes. I am beyond thrill. 

Today prove to be a bitter sweet day. I feel so sad and yet so happy and bless with so many angels (yes, I mean you all kind souls out there) to help shared my video and also those who could offer your talents to help me make the 2 wishes come true. Thanks to the power of the social media and all netizens. 

I know some of you may think that I am still unable to accept the fact or can't let my baby girl go when you see my random posts in FB about me missing my daughter. It will be a total lie if I tell you that I am ok. Only those parents especially mothers who have loss their child would truly know how it feels. The truth is you will never stop missing your child and the pain of losing them will not go away totally. It just get easier to deal with every day.

And I want you all to know that both me and Keith are fine and moving on with our lives but this is just something we want to have as a memory of our baby girl. When we have so little memories, we tend to have lots of imaginations, And with everyone helps, we could at least transform some imaginations into pictures which we can see and share with our loved ones. Hope you guys understand.

To sum it all, I am sad but I am also extremely happy today for the following reasons:

1) I am happy because many kind souls have responded to grant my wishes, 

2) I am happy because I still have all my loved ones around me who are so caring, loving, patience and most importantly not being judgemental and totally supportive. And I want to do the same for them.

And for that I am very grateful.

God bless you and Thank you! :)