I've been avoiding any occasion or activity that would put myself in the midst of babies, toddler or young children in any way in the past one year, for the obvious reason.
It was simply too overwhelming for me to be among them and I need not explain further. To the rare occasion when I have to be around my friends' daughters (I felt more at ease with boys as they wouldn't remind me of baby Cassandra as strongly as compare to the girls ), I would just ignore them and not interact with them. I didn't even dare to look at them.
Only people who has gone through the same can understand how it feels like. Time may passed but you will never stop loving and missing your own child. And you definitely won't stop wondering and imagining every once in a while.
But I am ready to face the babies and young kids now....
Mid of this month I find myself excitedly discussing with my colleagues about getting a gift for one of my colleague's daughter. I was the one who browsed and ordered the gift online. Then.... I realized I start feeling less emotional or emotionless (depends on what I choose to feel at the moment) when come to things that concern babies or young kids.
A friend called Keith yesterday about his daughter full moon party this Sunday, when Keith asked me if I am ok to attend, I said, "Ok".
It's not a big deal to other people but to me or the likes of me, it is a journey of healing, a milestone, a progress. :)
It was simply too overwhelming for me to be among them and I need not explain further. To the rare occasion when I have to be around my friends' daughters (I felt more at ease with boys as they wouldn't remind me of baby Cassandra as strongly as compare to the girls ), I would just ignore them and not interact with them. I didn't even dare to look at them.
Only people who has gone through the same can understand how it feels like. Time may passed but you will never stop loving and missing your own child. And you definitely won't stop wondering and imagining every once in a while.
But I am ready to face the babies and young kids now....
Mid of this month I find myself excitedly discussing with my colleagues about getting a gift for one of my colleague's daughter. I was the one who browsed and ordered the gift online. Then.... I realized I start feeling less emotional or emotionless (depends on what I choose to feel at the moment) when come to things that concern babies or young kids.
A friend called Keith yesterday about his daughter full moon party this Sunday, when Keith asked me if I am ok to attend, I said, "Ok".
It's not a big deal to other people but to me or the likes of me, it is a journey of healing, a milestone, a progress. :)
2 comments:
can't agreed anymore..
"it is a journey of healing".
all the best, my dear!
Thank you so much for always giving me encouragement and moral support. 😊 have a great day!
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