Ever since Cassandra left us, not a day we don't think of her or not miss her. No matter how many days have passed my love for her only continue to grow with time and I miss her even more than before. :(
As fast as I tried to move on and as much as I tried to be happy again, I just can't help thinking, 'Have I failed them?!', Today not sure why suddenly I feel that perhaps I have failed baby Cassandra and Keith. I know people who had premies born around the same gestation or earlier than Cassandra and yet they made it. And one of the factor because their babies were not underweight when they were born and they didn't really have any other complication. For Cassandra, overall her vital signs were good but she was slightly underweight. And perhaps because of that she was subjected to more invasive procedures which led to underlying infections that no one detected.
Perhaps I shouldn't have listened to the lady. Perhaps I should have continue to take maternal milk during my whole pregnancy. Then maybe she wouldn't be underweight and things would be different.
Maybe.
I know it's pointless to think about all these because I can never rewind and redo anything.
Sigh....
As fast as I tried to move on and as much as I tried to be happy again, I just can't help thinking, 'Have I failed them?!', Today not sure why suddenly I feel that perhaps I have failed baby Cassandra and Keith. I know people who had premies born around the same gestation or earlier than Cassandra and yet they made it. And one of the factor because their babies were not underweight when they were born and they didn't really have any other complication. For Cassandra, overall her vital signs were good but she was slightly underweight. And perhaps because of that she was subjected to more invasive procedures which led to underlying infections that no one detected.
Perhaps I shouldn't have listened to the lady. Perhaps I should have continue to take maternal milk during my whole pregnancy. Then maybe she wouldn't be underweight and things would be different.
Maybe.
I know it's pointless to think about all these because I can never rewind and redo anything.
Sigh....
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