Ladies Wellness

This is for the ladies. You never see me share such info but I believe this is something worth sharing.

I'm not a fan of Chinese herbs as I do not like the bitterness (no surprise) and I'm always a little skeptical towards the unknown side effects. But something my colleague recommended me recently has actually helps improve my well being. 

Many of my colleagues start telling me that I look radiant and has this healthy glow.  They said I've always looked pale in the past. They even ask if I use blusher as my cheeks look rosy pink these days. Honestly, I do not use blusher as my skin is always sensitive towards make ups.

Hence, I would like to give credits to this Chinese herbs I've consumed past 2 months and thought it's nice to share with you ladies.

It is very economical and you can get it from any Chinese medicine shop. I got mine from a shop in PJ and it cost RM0.70 per packet.

Although the recipe mentioned egg but I am just that lazy so I pass. I only boil the herb/leaves/grass (call it what you like) with the brown sugar.

Hope this will do good to you as it is to me.

What About Migraine?

I was hit by a very severe migraine few days ago and the pain was excruciating. It brought back so many painful memories in the past. I was a frequent migraine sufferer in the past and it often last for days to weeks. I was almost migraine free... yup I said almost because I only had mild migraine 2-3 times a year which only lasted for 1-2 days in the past say 3-4 years before I was pregnant.

People often see committing suicide is an act of cowardliness. I can assured you that to kill oneself you need even greater courage to do so. Well, I am not speaking from a 'been there done that" standpoint. Obviously I have not 'done that' or else I wouldn't be writing this post. But I have certainly 'been there', as I had numerous suicidal thoughts before.

Now please do not get all surprised and alarmed that I will attempt such act, ever. If I had the courage I would have done it years ago, but no, I didn't have the gut then and I don't have it now either, so I'm just gonna manage it as it comes. For people who never experience migraine, I must say you are really lucky and for those who do you know how painful it can be. Many a time in the past I really felt like hitting my head against the wall and wished the pain and the suffering would end just like that. Oh well, like I said, I didn't have the gut to do it.

I was telling Keith the other day and it was the very first time I ever confessed to him that I am very afraid each time I get hit by the severe migraine attack. I am afraid that my vain would just pop and I would just gone within seconds without saying goodbye to my loved ones. There were many times when I was having the severe migraine attack, while laying on my bed I was so afraid to shut my eyes fearing that I may not ever wake up.

There were many things could trigger the migraine. For me it could be smell, weather, food, stress or maybe hormone change. I don't know what caused the migraine to lessen tremendously in the past and what trigger it to happen again now. Since 1st Jan 2015 to date, I already have about 4-5 migraine attacks. The strange thing was as often as I used to get migraine, I never bother to goggle it up and find out more about it. I had a CT scan done before at one point because Keith was so worried that I may have a tumor growing in my brain that was causing all the pain. And of course the result was clean. Hope this migraine attack will not be a regular occurrence again though. :(

These time I decided to study a little more about this illness that have haunted me for more than two decades. Doctors usually prescribe painkiller or muscle relaxant for this disease but both meds only help to relieve the pain and the effect for me is usually short lived, hence I don't bother to take any med unless I can no longer stand the pain or if it prolonged. Ultimately, the best way to treat a migraine or severe headache is just, sleep.

Following are some links if you are interested to find out more about this disorder/disease.

About Migraine
http://health.howstuffworks.com/diseases-conditions/headache/migraine1.htm
http://www.migrainetrust.org/understanding-and-managing-migraine
http://www.prevention.com/mind-body/natural-remedies/migraine-causes-and-cures
http://www.prevention.com/health/brain-games/breaking-migraines-change-your-brain-44

Treating Migraine
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1275419/Best-cure-migraine-headaches-cup-coffee-two.html
http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Migraine

Emotional Trip

Due to my previous pregnancy complication, I was transferred from a private hospital to a government hospital. Hence, my normal gynae that I was seeing didn't know about Cassandra passing. I decided to make a trip to see my gynae as to update him about Cassandra and to check how my internal wound is healing.

So Keith and I went to the hospital yesterday and as usual the nurse would take my weight and blood pressure. Right after the nurse strapped on the blood pressure monitor on me, she asked where was my baby as she saw on the record my EDD was on 29th Aug 2014. I simply replied:"My baby is with God". She was shock and silent for a few seconds then she offered her sympathy and continued to ask me more questions as she needs to record it in my file. Needless to say, I got emotional and my eyes got teary while answering a few direct and straight forward questions about Cassandra. And then the blood pressure reading came out, my blood pressure was elevated and that was the first time I witnessed how our emotional condition could affect our BP. And I had an acid re-flux too due to the distress.

Saw my gynae and Keith did most of the talking as I was rather emotional after talking to the nurse. My internal wound was checked and it has healed well according to my doctor. We also checked with him when is it safe for us to try conceiving again and what are the preventive measures needed for the next pregnancy.

Honestly, I have been braving myself to talk about Cassandra when people ask about her 'death' and I must say no matter how many times I talk about it, I still feel sad and the pain has not gotten any lesser. But then again, I like to have someone ask and talk about our little angel coz I feel happy and proud whenever I talk about her. :)

Donations

Sometimes really don't know to laugh or cry when there are random people come up to you and ask for donation and if you refuse them they kind of give you the look as if you have no heart nor empathy.

Today I was having tea with Keith and his sis. Someone came up and ask for donation so Keith signed the paper to donate but he had no small change so he asked his sis for the money first. I think that guy mistaken Keith and his sis were husband and wife and I was their friend or something. So he asked me to donate too and I shook my head. The guy tried to pestered me and then Keith said "it's ok, we donate together' to the guy. Then the guy gave me the 'stare' while thanking Keith and his sis very fervently.

The truth is me and Keith always make donations randomly every now and then. So when those people give me weird stare sometimes I really feel like telling them how much or where I have donated so please don't think ill of me. But then again, why does it matter, right? We don't have to make announcement and tell the whole world each time we make a donation coz no one really cares.

As long we have a clear conscience and we know we have do our part giving back to the society then it is good enough. If we have to donate to every home we will not have money left for ourselves. :/

Happy 38th Birthday To Me

Today is my 38th Birthday. It should be one of my Happiest birthday as we supposed to have our lovely daughter, Cassandra celebrating my birthday with us. But we all know that she is no longer with us on this earth. I have made a wish in my heart, a most wanted wish that no one could ever granted me with, not even God, which is to have our baby Cassandra back with us healthy and very much alive.

I was feeling pretty down the past few days as my birthday is drawing near and I was thinking what other wishes I can make and most likely to be granted. And then came the idea. I've made a video telling a little story about Cassandra and what my wishes are and posted it in my FB page.

To be honest, such move is totally out of character and it took me much contemplation whether it is a good idea to do so. I was afraid I will be judged, ridiculed and criticized for attention seeking as I am not the only one in this world who has loss her child. But I guess the Love of a grieving mother conquers all. And I thank God and our angel baby Cassandra for giving me the courage to take the leap of faith and made it happen. As it turns out, it was a great move. :)

I've posted the video past midnight today and said a prayer hoping that there will be positive feedback before I went to bed. When I woke up this morning, my video has been shared by many and I've received many responses, both local and abroad to help me with my 2 birthday wishes. I am beyond thrill. 

Today prove to be a bitter sweet day. I feel so sad and yet so happy and bless with so many angels (yes, I mean you all kind souls out there) to help shared my video and also those who could offer your talents to help me make the 2 wishes come true. Thanks to the power of the social media and all netizens. 

I know some of you may think that I am still unable to accept the fact or can't let my baby girl go when you see my random posts in FB about me missing my daughter. It will be a total lie if I tell you that I am ok. Only those parents especially mothers who have loss their child would truly know how it feels. The truth is you will never stop missing your child and the pain of losing them will not go away totally. It just get easier to deal with every day.

And I want you all to know that both me and Keith are fine and moving on with our lives but this is just something we want to have as a memory of our baby girl. When we have so little memories, we tend to have lots of imaginations, And with everyone helps, we could at least transform some imaginations into pictures which we can see and share with our loved ones. Hope you guys understand.

To sum it all, I am sad but I am also extremely happy today for the following reasons:

1) I am happy because many kind souls have responded to grant my wishes, 

2) I am happy because I still have all my loved ones around me who are so caring, loving, patience and most importantly not being judgemental and totally supportive. And I want to do the same for them.

And for that I am very grateful.

God bless you and Thank you! :)

And I'm Feeling Good...

So I was mentioning about a random act of kindness I did to a stranger this evening and this is what actually happened.

I was on my way home from work and it was pouring heavily and everywhere was jam.

While driving passed rows of bridal houses in SS2, I saw a guy holding an umbrella, a big paper bag and a backpack. He was walking at the side of the busy and wet road very slowly as he was really struggling. He was using a walking aid because I noticed he has polio.

In that split second, I decided to offer him a lift. So I stopped my car at the side (at the front porch of a bungalow (it's a bridal shop), asked the guy where is he heading and I told him I will give him a lift. 

Due to his disability and all the things he was carrying, he was really struggling. Seeing that, I just got down from my car, in the rain, I unload everything from him and put everything in my car while he slowly get into my car. While I was standing in the rain loading his stuffs in my car, and my car did not block the road at all, some drivers actually honked at me and there were a few purposely drove near the pool of water and we were splashed (yes, there are some inconsiderate ppl out there). Sad. :(

Apparently the guy is in his 30's and he is going for his wedding photo shoot tomorrow so he was actually running some errands for tomorrow event.

So after got him and his stuffs settled in my car, I drove him to the laundry and helped him to picked up his shirts for the photo shoot and then dropped him to the hotel he is staying.

It was a simple gesture to help someone who obviously in need of a helping hand, never mind the rain or got splashed by dirty water. It was all worth while. :)